Catcher in the Rye and my career path

So, I was reading the TV Tropes page for this indie game called Night in the Woods, okay? So, I've watched a little bit of it, and I'm immediately on board with the attitude of the protagonist, Mae. And in one of the sections, in the YMMV tab, it describes her as "A female Holden Caulfield". And, of course, the name was a link to the TV Tropes page for Catcher In The Rye.

Now, I've never actually read the book. Somehow in high school, I avoided reading both Catcher In The Rye and Lord Of The Flies, which were replaced with Crabbe and The Stone Angel. I just looked it up, and both of those books are Canadian, so that might be why. Anyway, although I haven't fully read the book, I've seen a few quotes and such from the main character, who is the aforementioned Holden Caulfield. My conclusion?

Well, you know that Literally Me copypasta that went around in 2015?
Yeah.

The thing is, wherever I read people's views on Holden, they seem to nearly universally have the impression of "What a depressed, angsty, mentally challenged loser! Grow up already!"

Now, on one hand, I'll fully admit that "Mature, Responsible Adult" isn't a phrase that could describe me with any accuracy. I have trouble focusing on work, I tend to ignore anything that doesn't promise instant gratification, and keeping a schedule is something that still gives me difficulties.

On the other hand, calling it "Teenage angst" kind of minimizes it, as if it's just a phase that you need to get over.

Holden's disgust for people being "Phony" is something that I completely understand. People lie about their ideas and opinions to ensure their popularity. People construct their lives around arbitrary patterns, just because that's the way everyone else does things. Hating the way that people lie to themselves and each other is something that resonates with me.

But then, obviously Holden's just being childish. What's wrong with abandoning your values and working a tedious job you hate for the rest of your life? After all, that's what everyone does, so that must be the proper thing to do!


I just looked it up, and the one section that I remembered was in chapter 17, when Holden is telling a woman he likes that he wants to run away from society and live in a cabin. The woman, Sally, thinks that he's talking about some vacation from work or retirement, but Holden clarifies that no, he means right there, right then.

I said no, there wouldn't be marvelous places to go to after I went to college and all. Open your ears. It'd be entirely different. We'd have to go downstairs in elevators with suitcases and stuff. We'd have to phone up everybody and tell 'em good-by and send 'em postcards from hotels and all. And I'd be working in some office, making a lot of dough, and riding to work in cabs and Madison Avenue buses, and reading newspapers, and playing bridge all the time, and going to the movies and seeing a lot of stupid shorts and coming attractions and newsreels. Newsreels. Christ almighty. There's always a dumb horse race, and some dame breaking a bottle over a ship, and some chimpanzee riding a goddam bicycle with pants on. It wouldn't be the same at all. You don't see what I mean at all. 

This is what connected with me. Thinking about what the majority of your life will be like, and feeling nothing but disgust for it. The idea that the next 40 years of your life will be spent doing something you don't care about, so that someone else can get rich. The idea that you can either be just like everyone else, or you can live on a street corner begging for change. The idea of lying to yourself and the people around you, whether it's saying that you're the best candidate, or telling yourself that being the executive branch manager's assistant or whatever is what you always wanted for your life.

I hate all of it. And most of all, I hate that there are people who have broken the mold, people like entrepreneurs and those people who live off the grid and the people who mined and bought bitcoins back when they were cheap. I hate that there are people who find a way out, and I can't be one of them, because the people who find a way out are determined, confident, outgoing, risk-taking, lucky people, and I'm not any of those things. I don't have the willpower and confidence to start a business. I'm too attached to modern conveniences to live in the middle of nowhere. I'm too afraid of risk to invest or do anything like that. And even worse, I couldn't even be successful in the only option I have. I'm too honest and pessimistic to effectively sell myself in job interviews. I'm too shy and socially awkward to do the networking that a career needs. Even if I got a job, I have a history of putting off work until it's too late, and then giving up on it entirely rather than trying to finish it at the last minute.

I hate that I feel like I don't have any options, but anyone who looks at me would just think that I'm a lazy, spoiled kid.

So, yeah. Holden Caulfield. It me. Et cetera.

I'm sorry for suddenly going on a rant like that. Like I said, I just sort of write whatever pops into my head.

Also, I think I've got a pretty severe inferiority complex, so whenever I go on at length about how awful I am at everything, take it with a grain of salt.